Well, it's less than 24 hours till my op and the nerves are certainly kicking in now. Although I know that most people who are scared of op are concerned about the anaesthetic, I can honestly say that's not what's getting to me. For me it's everything else.
My first concern is that I'll wake up back in a cast. I think that was my main issue when I bust my leg originally. Being in a full length, toe to thigh cast was undeniably difficult and I fell into depression so I'm a little, well, a lot actually, bothered that I'll wake to cast. The thought of fracturing my tibia when they remove the hardware or both my tibia and/or femur when they do the manipulation is also a major concern.
Then there's the scarring. I detest my original scar, running from around 2 inches above my knee to around 8 inches down my shin. Even 2.5 years on, I still hate it and I'm so self conscious about wearing shorts or showing my legs so to have to get my head round that again is proving tough.
Added to that I'll have scarring from the ACL reconstruction but I've been assured that'll be done keyhole so I'm hoping it won't be too prominent.
But, my biggest fear, my biggest dread, is the inability to do anything, the immobility, the feeling of uselessness, the not being able to drive, the putting life on hold for an undetermined amount of time and all of being elective instead of forced. I can't help but think 'if it ain't broke, don't fix it'.
Oh the joys of a busted leg and the long haul recovery - never a dull moment huh!