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Angie_B2 : The saga continues…..
Diary entry posted Thu 2:38pm 21 November 2013

Well it's certainly been a while since the accident, and since I was last on here but the merry-go-round hasn't stopped yet.
I never quite got my ROM back, I only ever managed 90 degrees which got to me at the start but I learnt to live with it. It meant significant changes, simple things like getting in and out a bath proved impossible so I moved to a new place with a walk in shower. Driving a manual car was impossible as my leg wouldn't bend enough to use the clutch so I had to wave goodbye to my sporty car that I adored and buy an auto. Walking on unsteady ground, and the fear of falls kicked in so the auto car quickly turned into an auto 4 wheel drive so I didn't have to risk walking in ice and snow. I couldn't sit on the floor because I couldn't get back up again, if I dropped something it was like watching a comedy show seeing me try and pick it up. Going downstairs became hysterical as again, my leg didn't bend enough to be able to do it in simple strides and running, jogging, cycling, exercising, the martial arts, it all stopped so I had to learn to live a different life to what I was used to. Nothing major but each change a slightly difficult one to swallow over such a ridiculous accident.
A year on, I lost my job. Too much time off for rehab and an inability to do certain aspects of my work due to my limitations on bending my leg. Oh well, life moves on.
The pain, however, gradually got worse. I blamed the weather, I blamed putting too much strain on it, I blamed carrying heavy shopping, I blamed sleeping in a funny position, I blamed everything except the truth and I avoided seeing anyone about it until one day, my leg gave way going downstairs and I gave myself a good scare. At that point, I decided enough was enough.
Lots of consultant appointments later, lots of x-rays, lots of tests, lots of bending my leg in ways I never knew it was possible to bend, including sideways and it was finally picked up that I'd ripped my ACL in the original accident and that it had never got better, it had just continued to get worse. That discovery was made 2 months ago.
So here I am, getting ready for surgery. I've got a couple of days yet but I'm terrified. I'm having my hardware out - a plate and 6 screws. They're going to harvest my hamstring and reconstruct my ACL. And they're going to do a manipulation under anaesthetic. Then they're going to do a partial knee replacement. They seem confident that with time, and physic, and rehab, I'll get back more ROM than I have now. I don't think I'll ever wear shorts again tho (LOL). I mean, the original scar is about 12 inches and by the end of the weekend I'll have a few more to add to it but hey, I guess if it means I can get a semblance of normality back, and be able to do some of the stuff I used to take for granted, then a scar is a small price to pay.
But I am terrified. I think any surgery terrifies me but this in particular - all the leaflets and info they've sent suggests the bone could fracture when removing the hardware and that it could break under the MUA and I am dreading, DREADING, waking up to another full length cast and the thought of NWB for months again.
Oh well, I'll post again after the weekend and we'll see what happens : )
Angie x

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 Thu 2:38pm 21 November 2013
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