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Angela : Thanks everyone!
Diary entry posted Thu 4:35am 15 September 2005

Wow, thanks for all your words of encouragement. I was so angry when I wrote my first diary entry (can you tell?) LOL! I am surprised that I even have any sense of humor left. I have been up all night tonight with this awful burning, tingling, shocking pain that radiates down my thigh to my toes. My toes feel like they have frostbite so bad it burns, I had to take my sock and aircast off. I can't even have a sheet lay over my leg or toes without pain. I called the anesthesia doc on call and she said I needed to be seen and she would have someone call me in the morning. I have cried all night. The funny thing is my fracture pain is not that bad, if it weren't for this pain, I'd have no pain at all! Kind of like bad luck, huh? it is now 3 weeks to the day since surgery and I have called and called about this and I keep getting the run-around. One anesthesia attending told me this was "very unusual". Well, he should come to this site and do the Google research I have been doing, bc it is VERY usual. RSD, nerve entrapment, peripheral neuropathy, whatever you want to call it, I need some relief. I have tried Capzasin? cream and it doesn't really do much. I am appalled at MD's. As a nurse, I know for a fact they do not know everything, there are good ones and ones that you wouldn't go to if you were bleeding from your eyeballs. But to be told repeatedly that this couldn't possibly be caused from the regional anesthesia is crap. Let's see, you numbed my sciatic and femoral nerves, now I am in excruciating pain and it is "very unusual"? One MD said it was "too early" for RSD. Whatever. One said it could be RSD and it was good to catch it early. What I hate about being a nurse is they think I know more that I do, so they don't think they have to bother explaining things to me. Like post-op care. I got nothing. I had no idea about weight-bearing or not, when I could shower, take off bandages etc.
You are all so right about pain. It is so hard to explain to people that because you are not writhing in agony that you can still be in alot of pain. I eventually called the OS AT HOME to get him to call me in something for pain. 3 different resident MD's said they would call it in but never did. And even then he never apologized for the fact that I went almost 24hr with no pain meds and empty promises from his residents. And I even work at the same hospital, how pathetic. At least I know the "tricks" to get in touch with them, thanks to my co-workers. I can't imagine how they must treat everyone else. You really have to be an advocate for yourself when it comes to your health, bc MDs have so many patients, they are in such a rush to see everyone in clinic, round on the patients in-house, go to surgery, round again, they can't possibly remember everything about you, like calling in prescriptions! I have called them so much I get the feeling I am "marked" as a hysterical drug-seeking witch. Which is sad, but that is how they are. MD's think that everyone is drug-seeking, and they put that in their notes. I am not drug-seeking, I am a patient in pain. Once you are marked, it is hard to convince them otherwise.
On another note, I read a thead about "has your BL caused you to get a divorce" and could really relate. My husband is so sick of hearing me complain. He just says "I know I KNOW" when I go on and on. I have told him that I am totally dependent on him for errands, groceries, etc, things I can't do since I can't drive, and he just seems oblivious to what is going on with me. I feel like the sister "Zelda" in the movie "Pet Semetary", kept in the back bedroom, hidden away from everyone, lol. It got so bad that I had to go to my parents for 4 days. At least my mom took care of me, brought me things, anticpated things I might need, etc. I really needed that. It is very frustrating bc I know that if it were HIM, he wouldn't know what to do without me. This is really putting a strain on both of us.
Well I am deleriously tired. Thank you so much for your kind words and support. It really does help to vent to people that truly know what I am going through!



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 Thu 4:35am 15 September 2005
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