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Amy2 : ughh day 84
Diary entry posted Wed 10:22am 28 March 2007

Today is day 84, it all continues to amaze me that something could hurt for this long. Talk yesturday at my PT evaluation of possibly another surgery to release the tendons that are causing my ankle to be frozen, also my screws moved 2mms. It is amazing that my knee is so compromised, (wont bend enough to make the PT people happy), it bends enough for me to put on my sneaker and sock and to cut my nails....i understand why the ankle is so compromised as the break to my tib and fib was very low and there was not much room to do the repair work......pt evaluation person says my joints are compromised because of my hesitation to use them........i tried not to clock her with my crutch as i reminded her that my hesitation was based on pain, seering gut wrenching pain.....endless days and nights of adjusting, readjusting and rationing my pain medications.....pain that still sometimes is unbearable...it all reminded me of my experience in the hospital when i woke up after having screws rods pins etc inserted into my leg to repair the compound tib fib fracture and i went into respitory arrest due to too much medication and one of the hospital staff told me, "well YOU pushed the button"(meaning the morphone pump).....my level of frustration continues to force me deeper into a hole......i try to remind myself each day that i never asked for this and it is just the aftermath of a horrible accident (falling down the stairs at work), nobody wants to turn back time or to push it forward more than me.....hard to keep my chin up these days as i try to remain present in my own life.....i hold onto hope that soon this nightmare will end and i can try to move forward...wish i had a clue where to go...



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 Wed 10:22am 28 March 2007
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