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Amanda_L : 43 weeks and HWR suggested
Diary entry posted Wed 4:47pm 4 November 2009

I have had increased pain, stiffness, tightness, and decreased ROM for the past few weeks. I assumed I over did something and took a week off of the gym. Still bad. I have muscle cramps, ache all the time, and my limp, which has never gone completely away is back with a vengence. So I made an ER OS appt. I was expecting more therapy, etc. Instead... he said the hardware has to come out because that is what is causing me so much pain. The more active one is, the more this is a problem because bones flex, metal doesnt. I only have issues with one plate but both are coming out. I am nervous. And scared. And having a small pity party for myself. Why me and all that. I am at 10.5 months post break and he said he wouldnt consider removal until after 12 months, preferrably 18. He said the fracture sites have healed well, though I have osteopenia in one area. I am petrified to be honest. Holes in my bones, chances of refracture, being out of work for a few days, being on crutches.. in WINTER in MN. And then there is the healing time.... it will be over a full year once I get HWR and have healed from it. This is a ridiculous journey that I never imagined. I go from patient to very impatient and back. I go from "deal with lifes punches" to "I frickin hate my life" nearly daily. I dont know whether to feel sorry for myself or suck it up and move on. Those around me have become less and less supportive - maybe not supportive - but less compassionate. I get the "You will be fine" line, which is NOT comforting or reassuring. I feel like I dont have time to deal with it anymore. Between work, home, family, worker comp, insurance, etc., I am burnt out. I fear refracturing my leg. Are my bones that brittle since just falling made my whole leg snap in many places once already? Why me? Why now? Why so long? GRR. So, while I know things happen for a reason, I go back and forth on being realistic. I know it takes time, but I dont want it to take time.

I read up on HWR and see that most people are happy they did it. But most have had it done at 18+ months post break. I hope that the limp, the pain, the weakness, the soreness, the stiffness and the pops will disappear, but what if they dont?

I hope to get the surgery in the next month, to get it over with and move on. I hope to be healed by summer and moving on with life then.
There is never a good time to plan surgery, but I guess winter is better than summer, provided I dont fall and screw things up. And what about those holes in the bones from the screws coming out? That cant be good.

Oh, how the brain goes round and round.



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 Wed 4:47pm 4 November 2009
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