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Adrienne : Visit #2 to the OS... the decision to have surgery
Diary entry posted Tue 10:45am 11 June 2002

Visit #2 to my OS, on the following Monday, 10 days post fractures, was another adventure in the orange chariot and ambulance. Again, no lights, no sirens. Oh well.

This time I did finagle my way into a wheelchair (at my OSí office) with the help of my best friend. At least I only felt like half a moron having them wheel me in on a stretcher. But the wheelchair gave me a sense of normalcy that I hadnít had since the fall. Baby steps. As you will learn, this process is all about baby steps.

For this visit, doc puts up my x-rays for me to see. I had to actually ask where the fractures were. I almost asked it he had the right x-rays. (Opted to NOT do that as I didnít think he would appreciate it, though I think it would have been funny in a wisea** kind of way.) Then he showed me. They were almost unnoticeable because they werenít the obvious break in the bone that you would expect. Rather, they were at the tip of the tib and fib, just above the ankle. And there was a triangle piece of the bone on each that bowed out with a point pushing into my skin. Ah! So that's what that SHARP pain was anytime I moved my foot or leg a centimeter!

All I could think when I saw the x-ray was just a little too much weight on those babies a little too soon and those triangle pieces (assuming then could be pushed, pulled, yanked into place) would bow out and become two big messy compound fractures and the rest of the tib and fib bones would come crashing down into my foot and crush my ankle. Nevermind that I kept wondering how those triangle pieces were going to heal into a straight line. What was he going to do? Tug my leg every two weeks? Then slap a mother Fu*king tight cast on me each time. I had three casts put on me in a two-week period. Each one was like a vice grip, a sensation that lasts a minimum of 3 days. I was beginning to think my doc had a thing for turning casts into torture boots, but then my rational self remembered about the swelling. Ah, yes, the swelling. Who amongst us hasnít experienced all the joys of swelling?

Well, as doc pensively stares at my x-rays. And my intuition told me he was preparing me for something. I couldnít stand it anymore. ďSurgery, right?Ē I would say I asked, but it was more like begging. ďYouíre going to fix it, right? Itís not going to heal right if you donít? Is it?" Personally, I think he knew he had to do surgery and had just been buying time while the swelling reduced or maybe hoping that any initial fears or hesitations I had about surgery would diminish. One look at those x-rays and they were GONE.

There is much debate on this site about internal fixators (aka hardware). Honestly, I couldnít wait for the surgery. I just wanted it fixed. I wanted my leg back to its full strength and I wanted to start healing as quickly as possible. My friend, Jules, had broken her ankle, tib, and fib years ago. She warned me because of the scars she had. I could care about them. Okay, thatís a lie. I care about the scars, but I care more about walking right and not having arthritis in my ankle at the ripe old age of 35. Given the choice of tugging, yanking, squeezing, and pulling my bones into place then having doc slap a mother Fu*king vice grip of a cast on me at every visit, I say, load me up with hardware. Turn me into a cybernetic sideshow. Suit me up and make me a BORG (star trek junkies will get that one). Anything beats the long haul of tugs, yanks, pulls, and squeezes. Yep, Iíve got my priorities straight. Itís summer and Iíve got a shiny new car sitting in my garage waiting for me to drive her. I had her a grand total of three days before this fiasco. Not to mention all my gym workouts that Iím missing. But we wonít get into that as it just depresses me.

Right now, I just want my life back to the way it was. My list of wants at this point was small and modest. They were as follows:

1. walking
2. driving a car
3. showering standing up
4. walking while carrying something
5. painting my toenails with ease
6. sleeping on my side or stomach
7. going to work
8. going down the steps on both feet while NOT fainting (see my first post for more on this)
9. walking in the rain without a horrific fear of falling because a crutch might slide
10. dancing -- woohoo
11. shaking my bootie (can't do it now without risking another break!)
12. socks on both feet
13. spending a whole day out instead of a whole day inside

Today, as I write this I am 5 Ĺ weeks post fracture or 3 Ĺ weeks post op, depending on how you like to count the weeks. As of today, June 11th, I have completed the following from my list:

Sleeping on my side (did it for a few hours early this morning) WOOHOO!
Painting my toenails with ease
Socks on both feet

Not a huge list, but I am now down to only ten modest wants. I think theyíre doable!

More later Ö

Heal well and heal quickly.

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 Tue 10:45am 11 June 2002
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